booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Someone signed my nipple.
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