Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
