So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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