Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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