I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
