You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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