If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
