That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
