After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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