Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
