Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
