i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
