he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
