he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
