he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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