You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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