so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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