then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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