i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
