Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
How drunk are you?
Completed.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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