my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
