There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
