he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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