I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
