I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
