I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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