I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
