Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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