her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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