I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
