Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Randomize
