oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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