so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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