Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
