How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
