Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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