how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
