So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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