i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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