She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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