If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
