you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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