the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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