I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
There r osticjed everywhere
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
