I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
