I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
