Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
