Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
