everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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