i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
