i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just gift wrapped bread.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
